After reading this, I'm at a loss for what to do about stuff like this on a personal level. The simplest way to put this seems to be: "How do I avoid being some inhospitable jerk that drives people away?", because at times, I know I've been that jerk, usually when I'm frustrated at something (usually technical, not interpersonal) about a project.

So, how does one do technical work (or any work) but avoid becoming a Brian? Is there a way to turn this proactive - some list of things that you should do rather than not do?

Also, how do you go about making it obvious that you want this kind of kind of critique and feedback?

Spend a year being the person who makes new arrivals feel welcome :)